The Greatest Discovery Unknown to Man,
by AndyLLFrazier
Summary: NEWLY ADDED Chapter 3: Intro to How the World Exploded
1. Bill Morris

Bill Morris is a _very_ pathetic man. Bill spends most of his time sitting in front of a TV watching cheesy action movies eating cheesy air puffs with his cheesy fingers.

_But there is something bizarrely important about Bill._

Contrary to popular belief, Einstein is a moron. Everything is not relative to everything else. The truth of the matter is that the universe all revolves around one single point.

Sitting in that point, is a man named Bill Morris.

Bill Morris is the culmination of millions upon billions upon trillions of millennia. Bill is the very reason the universe and everything in it was created.One day, Bill walked into the street and was hit and killed by an oncoming bus. Needless to say, the universe was very upset. But the life of many insignificant peons still goes on.

One such peon was a man by the name of Phil; Phil delivers chestnuts to the Los Alamos Radio Facility, but he is of absolutely no significance whatsoever. What is of some significance is the story of the greatest discovery unknown to man.

This is that story.


	2. The Greatest Discovery Unknown To Man

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Greatest Discovery Unknown to Man **

In the 1970's scientists built the Los Alamos Radio Array. Its purpose was to send messages out into the universe in the hopes that it would reach some form of intelligent life.

Aliens? Aliens are you there? Hellooo? Anyone? Hey aliens, c'mon we know you're out there…" This radio transmission was repeated 22,421,722 times over a period of nearly three months. It was on the twenty-two million, four-hundred, twenty-one thousand, seven hundred and twenty third time that the aliens replied.

Their message was short.

"Dear Humans, please shut up, you are very annoying"

The two baffled scientists picked up the microphone  
"Oh, Sorry, we just wanted to know if you existed."

"Mission accomplished, can you be quiet now!"

"No no no, hold on, I was wondering if you would like to trade, we would be very interested in an intergalactic spaceship."

"Well, what does a pathetic planet like yours have to offer me?"

"We have atom bombs."

"Ha! Atom bombs! Those are firecrackers to us, you'll have to do better than that!"

"We can give you our sexiest super models"

"Disgusting! Your sexiest supermodes are like our ugliest, grossest women"

"Well, what kins of things would you be interested in?"

"Do you have any drugs, you know, like ophmoids bublondos, or maybe chestnuts?"

"Chestnuts? uh yeah, we have plenty of chestnuts"

"Great, give me a pound and you've got yourself a deal!"

"Hold on, that's not quite fair, throw in some of your ugliest grossest women, and we might have an agreement"

"Deal…sucker."

As news of the chestnut dealer spread throughout the universe, traffic from all over the galaxy stopped by this top-secret facility. Newer ships were traded, slightly less gross women and shiner technologies. Within a few hours, Earth had become the largest chestnut cartel in the galaxy. It was estimated that nearly 400 pounds of chestnuts were sold in that time period – it was totally unprecedented. Of course, as word spread, the intergalactic police caught wind of this new cartel and sure enough, a transmission blared through the Los Alamos facility.

"**This is the Intergalactic Police! We are halting this illegal operation and are confiscating all contraband. In punishment for this crime, we are hereby excommunicating your planet for 2000 years. Have a nice day**."

As the Confiscate-o-ray turned on, the scientists watched in horror as their shiny new technologies were zapped away. Two scientists had made the greatest discovery of all time. Unfortunately, it was soon followed by the greatest disaster of all-time, which erased all evidence of their discovery. And in the empty void of their discovery, two scientists in the abandoned facility stared at each other in disbelief. A long, silent pause ensued as they both came to terms with reality. And in this devastating silence a voice asked; "So uh, what do we do now?"

John replied "you want to play chess?"

Steve answered "Sure"

And they went on living their lives, eating chestnuts with drugged-out sexy supermodels as if nothing ever happened.

THE END.


	3. How the World Exploded

**Some Impossible Miracles**

In the middle of nowhere, calmly adrift amongst the waves of the vast Pacific Ocean is a boy in a bubble. Ever since the ship he was on shipwrecked and all the passangers died he had grown sad and lonely... _very lonely_

"_If only_" says the boy "If only I could find love in this vast, never-ending sea"

Suddenly, as if by some impossible miracle, the boy looks out to see a girl in a bubble slowly drifting towards him. Her name was Sarah; Sarah had the most beautiful bubble he had ever seen.  
They had a magical time floating about in the middle of the Ocean, they shared laughs, had seagulls poop on their clear plastic bubbles. As I said, It was magical.

That was, until Gary showed up. Gary's bubble was shinier than the boy's and naturally Sarah was attracted to him. Sarah inevitably fell in love with Gary and as a result the boy grew more distant. Sadly, Sarah and the poor  
boy eventually drifted their separate ways.

Once again the boy found himself very sad and very lonely.  
Once again the boy says "If only I could find love again in this vast, never-ending sea"

Suddenly, as if by some impossible miracle, the world explodes.

stay tuned for the highly anticipated sequel:

HOW THE WORLD EXPLODED:

_It was a calm day just like any other_, the babies were crying, the bees were flying and everyone was slowly dying. Ominous clouds approached from the west, it seemed as though there was a storm coming. There wasn't,  
as it turned out, that day _was_ just like any other, and everyone went to bed after a day of absolutely no consequence.

The next day however, was unlike any that came before it. Because on this day, everyone in the world suddenly woke up to realize they all had a superpower, that is, except for Phil Johnson. Out of all the horrible twists of fate,  
he had to be the only one in the entire world without a superpower.

His friends would say "maybe you need to try harder" before they flew off to do cool super hero stuff.

"What a load of bull crap" Phil thought

Because Phil had tried everything, for hours he would flex every muscle of his body until he turned blue in the face and passed out.

The superheros were nice to phil - when he was around - but he knew everyone was talking behind his back. He imagined Even Clyde the accountant, who had the useless ability to turn green, cracking jokes about "Phil the mortal". It made phil so mad he could just, just, do absolutely nothing! And that made him even madder, he could feel the rage inside of him, and there was no super power he could use to express it.


End file.
